You, who cuts yourself. You, who cries yourself to sleep every night. You, who is so tired of being strong and brave. You, who attempted to kill yourself. You, who had to drop out of school because of the bullies. You, who had to leave home because of the abuse. You, who is surviving from sexual assault. You, yeah you, all of you.
Except you, I have something else to say to you. . And you? Of course I didn’t forget you, hold on, because I have something really important to say to you.
I want you to know how amazing you are. I want you to know that I see you. I see what other’s don’t, I know how brave and strong you are. You think no one really understands, and you’re right. No one really does, because what you’re dealing with is unique to you. .
Seriously, you’re amazing. Each and every day is torture, I get it. The sheer will power it takes to get out of bed. To not want to reach for the scissors and slit your wrists, or down that bottle of anti-depressants in hopes that it will end the suffering.
I could sit here and tell you it gets better, but I’d be lying. Because I don’t know if it does. I’m still trying to figure out when ‘it’ is supposedly going to get better. But I can tell you one thing, it gets a bit easier. But that doesn’t matter to you, or to me really, because what matters right now, is today, because you, and me? We both need to figure out how to get through this alive.
I’d offer to be your bridge over troubled water. But truth be told? The best I can offer is a rickety old raft. But if I tie my raft to yours. And then we tie our raft to yours. And you? You have that kayak, we’ll tie to that too. Sure, we can tie on to that paddleboat...
Pretty soon, together we’ve built that bridge, and we can only do it together. It might look a bit weird, but it’ll get us to the other side. We need to stop thinking so much about it getting better tomorrow, and we need to make it better for ourselves today. There is love out there for all of us, from our families, the one’s we’re born into or our chosen ones and most of all from each other.
Now you. You who kicked us when we were down. You, who called us names and told us how worthless we were. You, who told us we’d never amount to anything?
From the bottom of my heart, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, that things are so bad for you that you need to take it out on us. It breaks my heart to think what you might be going through, that makes you think it’s okay to do what you’re doing.
I offer you an olive branch. I want to tell you that you can make it better today as well. I want you to know that you are loved, there are many people that love you want to help you get through what you’re dealing with as well. Really, all you need to do is ask. What you’re dealing with is scary, and you need to put on this act because of how terrified you are, but it’s not you. I know, I can see you.
Finally to you. You, who is with us no longer.
To you I say, with all of my heart that you are loved. I want you to know that you will not be forgotten. You need to know that you have touched many lives, and left behind a hole in my heart, and to the others that loved you. But most of all, I hope, with all of my heart and soul, that you are finally at peace from the torment you went through. You were brave and strong until the end, but I understand how tired you were. Rest my love, you deserve it.
“I find my greatest strength in wanting to be strong. I find my greatest bravery in deciding to be brave. I don't know if I've ever realized it before,[...] I think we both realize it now. If there's no feeling of fear, then there's no need for courage.”
― David Levithan, Boy Meets Boy
