Friday, November 4, 2011

How To: Dating Someone With Depression


You’ve just had an amazing date.   So much so that you’ve ended up back at their place.  You’re having a great time connecting with them, really chatting and getting to know one another.

The next think you know, things are getting a little heavy.  You’re making out, and you’re pretty much about to go all the way.  But it’s been a long day, and before anything happens you want to freshen up a little, so you politely excuse yourself to the bathroom.

While in the bathroom you’re looking at yourself in the mirror, wash yourself up a bit, and then you go into the cabinet to grab the toothpaste, to do the old, use your finger as a toothbrush trick.   When you do though, you knock over a couple of prescription bottles,  you pick it up and you read what they are.
Take one pill once a day.  

100 mg Bupropion,  

DO NOT TAKE WITH ALCOHOL

Take one or two pills as needed for anxiety.
0.5 mg Lorazepam
DO NOT TAKE WITH ALCOHOL

You take out your phone, you quickly google these medications.  You quickly find out that your date suffers from depression and anxiety. 

What do you do? What should you do?

Well I’m certainly no ‘expert’, meaning I don’t have a bunch of letters beside my name and a piece of paper from a patriarchal bureaucratic institution that supposedly gives people the license to present opinion as fact. 

But here, as someone that’s surviving depression and anxiety, let me give you a few pointers on how it can and could be done. 

1)      Respect.
2)      Compassion
3)      Honesty.
4)      Loyalty.
5)      Patience.
6)      Reassurance.
7)      LOVE.

Honestly, if you’re not really doing all of the above, how are you dating at all?

I am not going to sit here and give you a list of how to be a decent human being to others.  As long as you’re taking the time to be honest and listen to the person you’re dating, no matter how long you’ve been together, whether it’s been a week or a decade,  you’re going to keep going strong. 

I’m not going to deny that dating someone who is surviving and fighting - depression and anxiety isn’t going to have it’s challenge.   I certainly won’t deny that I am not the easiest person to date.   I’m kind of high maintenance and I need constant reassurance.  Right now, if I was to enter into a relationship, I’d be constantly terrified that it was all just temporary, that there’d be nothing I could do to stop the eventual end.

I’ll tell you, that particular insecurity has cut short a few relationships of mine. But in the end, they also weren’t showing the above list, and really I think you need to do all of the above list no matter who you’re dating if anything is going to last and be healthy. 

“I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.” 
 
Marilyn Monroe
  

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