Borderline Stigma

Retrieved from "...But She's Crazy" 

So I am having a lot of trouble finding peers in the fact that I can’t seem to find many men with BPD.  Almost every thread I look at is horribly out of date, and if you do a search for Men and BPD in the same line, inevitably you come up with one certain type of article. 

The articles vary in length and in level of literacy.  At first glance some seem well though out and researched until it gets into the meat of the topic.  Essentially it all boils down to these few personality traits, that all of us with BPD tend to share.  

• Manipulative.
• Tendency to lie for attention.
• Vengeful.
• Sadistic/Masochistic.
• Abusive.
• No Empathy.
• Untreatable
• Good in bed.

The rest could almost be tolerable, if it wasn’t for the last one.  Some of these posts have blatantly stated that if they good put up with the crazy they’ll have some awesome sex for a while, but it’s generally not worth the trouble of dealing with the insanity. 

Some of these articles even seem to be well written, until the bias for their research comes through loud and clearly with misogynist bull shit.  Where they cite a reference that in itself is either poorly researched, dated and/or it actually invalidates pretty much all of their points except the one they try to prove with that citation.  

For instance, there are a lot of articles out there that say BPD is more prevalent in women.  Most researchers would disagree with that, but I suppose it is contested territory.  However, after basically saying that women with BPD are untreatable and men should just stay away from them, they mention it’s more prevalent in women, link to an article that proves them ‘right.’ At the same time, the same article actually tends to invalidate everything else they’re saying.

It would be nice if people actually read their sources. 

Now I think talking about dating someone with BPD is something that people should be able to talk about.  If you can’t deal with someone with this disorder, then you shouldn’t be in their/our lives, but if you do really care for someone who has BPD or Borderline Tendencies, educate yourself.  I have said this before. 

BPD is treatable; it’s not a life sentence. People with BPD can be some of the most interesting people you ever meet, or they could be so boring you want to scratch out you’re eyes.   We are as diverse as any other population of people.  However, we think and feel differently from most people, but this doesn’t make us unapproachable.  Now there’s no cure for BPD, but there really isn’t a cure for any mental illness, but there are skills and tools that we can learn to help us adjust to living in a world that doesn’t operate on quite the same emotional wavelength as we do. 

By treating us like we’re monsters though, you’re just making the problem worse. These ‘PSA’s about people with BPD is feeding into a system of oppression that socializes people in such a way that just creates more people with this problem.  And please, the next time you want to call us unempathetic and untreatable, search for the hashtag #BPDfriends on twitter and take a look at how supportive we actually are to one another.  There is no lack of empathy or compassion there.

Also, read up on biosocial theory and dialectical behavioural therapy.  People who actually educate themselves on the issues before ranting about them are in such short supply these days. Even just reading the Wiki pages is a good starting point.