The Guy With BPD

So very few people have been reading my blog since the very beginning, but over the course of the last couple of years I have learned a lot, and the scope of what I started out writing about has changed.

‘No More Skittles’ was a title that was born out of an old nickname.   The person I was when I had that moniker no longer exists, or rather has changed so much, and grown out of the name.   I didn’t name my blog because I hated the person I was then, but rather to note the extreme changes that have been made not only in my life, but in me as a person.

thatonerule.com

Well now has come the time for another change, and for the official start of a new chapter in my life that actually started last March.  I have decided to change the name of my blog to reflect the current path I’m on. 

Now the path I am on is still a journey in recovery and healing, and I struggle with it everyday.  But things have changed in the last 8 months, I have changed.  See, it all started out because I had ‘depression’ every doctor I ever had told me this, and kept putting me on anti-depressants, and none of them were working.   Sure there would be a brief placebo effect, because I wanted them to work so bad, but in the end they didn’t help.

Well I was undiagnosed with depression, and started learn about a whole new disorder.  If you’re just reading for the first time, I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, otherwise referred to ‘BPD’.  I have learned so much about my disorder and about myself in the past eight months, that I wanted to change my name to reflect the person who I am. 

My blog is now titled ‘The Guy With BPD’. It’s not that original I realize this, but it sums up my blog quite succinctly.  In my blog I discuss and name my triggers as I learn about them, so I can be more aware.   I try to write about the skills I am learning about and how I can put them to use in my life. I write about different things that are troublesome for those of us with this disorder, and how we can go about effectively dealing with them. 

I talk about my past, I talk about my future, but most importantly I am talking about my present.  The current moment, what’s happening right here, right now.  Mostly the tone is more of a serious one, but as I am learning and growing I am getting much better at injecting humour into my reality, which I think is important in building a life worth living.

Also, another thing that I think is important, is that for the first time in my life I am trying to create a voice for men.  BPD is a disorder that affects all genders and despite the fact that it’s found in men just as often as in women, men rarely seek out help or treatment.  There is so much stigma attached to this disorder and mental health in general, that needs to be broken down.  Since men are socialized to be protectors, they, or rather we so often don’t want to ask for help.

I feel I need to disclose that I have no desire to take away from the women’s voice, or trans voice, or any other voice in regards to mental health, but I want to add to that choir.  I think we really need to look at how we socialize boys, young men, and men in our culture, and talk about the impacts of that on mental health stigma, and oppression in general.  Which our topics I plan to explore quite a bit in the coming months.

As well, a lot of the male perspectives out there in cyber land in regards to BPD are actually about stigmatizing women with this disorder, they slut shame them talk about how awful they are to date and need to get out of relationships with them as soon as they show signs of this disorder.  I want to change that, and I want people to know that this isn’t just something that affects women. I want people to know that we are not monsters, we just think and feel differently, and we are learning to cope in a world that doesn’t feel or think like we do. 

Anyway, I have touched on a bunch of topics that I plan on talking about, but the main topic at hand here is that things are changing and I’m just trying to keep up.  I look forward to the learning and growing that is ahead of me, I look forward to getting better at the things I already know and I look forward to writing about these things and talking about them with you.  

With much love and solidarity,

David O’Garr

- The Guy With BPD