Trust: Not an Easy Game to Play

Knowing the difference of when to speak up and say something when you feel you’re being wronged and realizing when you’re just internalizing things is not a really easy skill to master.  I know, because I have been trying to get a handle on this for a very long time, but more often than not I get stuck inside my own head and can’t figure out how to express myself until it’s too late and I blow up, which usually means I end up pushing another friend away.

So how can we figure out how to implement this skill? How are we suppose to figure this out on our own?


I have a friend, a friend I have recently reconnected with and they’re currently back in Ontario visiting.  I really wanted to see this friend and I made plans to take a bus to the city they were in to meet up with them for lunch or coffee, or anything.   I e-mailed them genuinely excited the day before, genuinely excited at the prospect of seeing them.

I didn’t hear back. 

Now instead of giving this person the benefit of the doubt, giving them their credit where credit was due, I internally flipped out.   In my heart of hearts I know that this person would never do anything to upset me, in fact this person has never shown me anything but compassion and support throughout the entire time that I knew them.

However rationally I could look at the situation, when this person didn’t respond to my e-mail in time for me to follow through on my plans I felt heart-broken.  Heartbroken and betrayed, maybe that’s over reacting a little bit, but over reacting really tends to be my middle name.  I didn’t understand, because this person seemed so interested in getting together to me, and all of a sudden they hated me.  Maybe I was just getting lip service, they kept telling me they wanted to get together just to keep me satisfied, not thinking that I would follow through and making plans.  

This is how I thought, so when I heard from this person too late, apologizing because facebook e-mail had screwed up and sent it to her too late, and didn’t even send the response she sent, I was almost inconsolable.   I had convinced myself that they hated me.  Enough so, that I could have easily rearranged things and made plans for the following day, but I was angry and no longer wanted to see them.

This game of tug of war that I constantly seem to play with other people in my head is getting in my way of having genuine and honest relationships, whether they be friendships or intimate ones.   You might tell me that since I am aware of the behaviour that I should just be able to stop myself, but it’s really not that simple.

What I have to start doing is giving people a chance to explain themselves, and I need to take those explanations at face value.  I need to stop thinking that everyone is going to betray me, I have to trust that they’re sincere and honest.  Because 9 times out of 10, the friends I have made over the years really and truly are. They deserve to be trusted, and I deserve to give them that chance instead of alienating myself from everyone I know.