Pomp and Circumstance - or - Lack Thereof

There was not cap and gown, no ‘Pomp and Circumstance’ being loudly blared by slight out of tune trumpets, but there was a certificate given.  This week I graduated from the first step of my DBT journey. 

As too many of us are well aware, waiting lists for some of these programs are miles long.  In fact, for the regular DBT where I’m from the waiting list is 7 months.  I was blessed to qualify to get into a program that was basically a crash course in all things DBT.  So I’m by no means finished treatment, but it was a good start, this gives me a framework in which to draw from. 

I’m not sure how it works in other DBT groups, but when people graduate from DBT, they’re asked to say a few words of wisdom.  Traditionally people say this off the cuff, talk about what they were thankful for, and it’s generally pretty sweet, or sometimes bitter sweet. 

Well it was my turn on Thursday, and I took the time to write it out.  I was asked to share it on my blog.

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It’s funny to be in this spot now, I mean it’s not like I have any problem talking.  You all know how much I love to hear myself talk. Yes Kim, that was a judgment, please step away from the bell. 

I really want to melt that bell down for scrap metal.

As far as words of wisdom go, it’s only an 8 week program.  I can’t tell you that it’s going to magically get better, but I can tell you that I have seen people change in this room.  So I don’t know if it gets better or not, I’m hoping it will - but I know with these skills things are going to get easier wit time. They’re already easier then they were when I started weeks ago, and I knew about them all in the abstract from all the reading I do.

But with that said, I do actually have a few things to say. 

Don’t be afraid to make friends with the people here.  This social aspect, I feel in an important part of our therapeutic process.  After coming out as gay, I thought I would finally find a community of people where I belonged, but even among my GLBTQ peers I always felt like I am on the outside looking in.   It’s here; here that I have found a bit of hope that there is actually a place I fit, that I am not so alone or isolated. I have met people here that I feel that I will be friends with for a long time to come.  I know some of us might just be ships passing in the night, but I still feel that it was important that we all met in this room. 

The bond that comes through shared experience is a real one.  It binds us together and it makes us stronger for having known one another.

Don’t put to much pressure on your self.  As we learned in dialectics, or I guess will learn for some of you, we are all doing the best that we can. As of right now take comfort in the knowledge that you’ll get better the more you practice; the more you learn.  Don’t hold yourself up in comparison to other people.  We are all on different parts of the journey to recovery and we all learn at different rates and in different ways. 

The status of our mental health is not a life sentence.  Yes there is so much out there that creates stigma, and much of our society is socialized in ways that creates an us and them mentality and tells us all that we who struggle with our mental health have something to be ashamed of. 

I think we need to stop looking at our diagnoses as such horrible things.  We live in a world that teaches us all to think one way, and we have an advantage that sets us a part.  We think in a different way, we see things others don’t, and at times it seems that that puts us at a disadvantage.  But once we have the tools to deal with a world that doesn’t see things the way we do, it’s us that will have an edge

You see, we will be able to see what they do, but they will never be able to see what we can.  They’re missing out on so much that the human experience can offer, they can try and get it, and some of them might get it a bit, but it will be very superficial.  They will never truly understand what they’re missing out on by being able to see things through another perspective.  There are diamonds in the rough here, and we can all accomplish amazing things if we want to, and if we can let ourselves do it.

People say that people with BPD lack compassion and empathy, but I know this to be false.  There are levels of compassion in this room that go far beyond what I have seen from people who are neurotypical. Remember that if you encounter anyone who puts you down because of who you are.  We’re not the one’s perpetuating the stigma. 

Right here, right now, many of us are fighting to keep our heads above the water.  This doesn’t make us weak, because most people? Most people don’t have to fight like we have had to.  This makes us survivors; this makes us stronger, and together? Together we can stop treading water and build a bloody yacht.

I will miss all of you, and good luck.