A (Lack Thereof) Treatment Plan

It was about a year ago when I really started to think about taking my mental health head on.  I had reached a point, I had gotten a good job and I was in a good place.  I wanted to keep that job, and I wanted to make sure I had the tools.  So a year ago I started fighting for better treatment then just the band aid of more medication, different medication; I needed something different, I needed a solution.  

It’s been a year and so far all that I was able to get from my doctors is three brand new diagnoses and a new medication that didn’t work to level out my moods.  I have tried everything that was offered, but mostly what I have been doing is a lot of waiting.  In the mean time I have lost my job and I have been fighting to keep myself from going into a downward spiral.

I am fairly certain I have hit rock bottom.   But there’s a difference this time.   This time I am not looking for easy or quick fixes, I know that I am really going to have to work to get myself better, to make myself successful, and to get myself to a place where I feel that I deserve all of the good things that come along with success.

So of my three new diagnoses, there are two that I’m really worried about, and one, now that I know it I am going to use it as a tool.   I am not going to sit still and wait for more consultations to tell me that I need another consult.  There are things I know I’m starting eventually, but I the mean time I really need to start a treatment plan, even if it means I am working on my own, or at least without medical help.  This is all subject to change.

Dialectical Behaviour Therapy

Of course I haven’t started the group therapy yet, and honestly it probably won’t be until December until I do.   But that being said, I feel that I can start working on my skills now, I have picked up a couple of books that were suggested to me, that I am going to go through, and one is a workbook, which of course I am going to take my time and work through it.

I won’t be doing this entirely on my own of course, I am lucky enough to be a patient of not just a family doctor, but a family practice.   They are going to be hooking me up with one of their social workers/counselors in the interim while I wait for a DBT group to be available to me.   With their help, I hoping that I will be able to get a good head start on working on the things I need to.

While working through the books and the skills – I am going to be utilizing my blog as a way to document my thoughts and feelings regarding what’s going on.

Referencing the following books:
The Dialectical Behaviour Therapy Skills Workbook
The Borderline Personality Disorder Survival Guide

Eating Mindfully

I have always struggled with food in one way or another.  I am taking the steps to change this.  Yet another book I picked up, Eating Mindfully by Susan Albers, I will be using this as a tool and guide to start developing a more healthy relationship with food.  The reasons that I need to do this is not only for my mental health, but for my physical health as well, I just found out that I have been diagnosed with Fatty Liver Disease and it really woke me up.

I have decided that I really need to be more mindful about what it is that I am putting into my body, but not limiting myself.  I feel if I put myself on a fad diet just to lose weight I will just end up reinforcing my already healthy relationship with food.

I need to approach this in a way that doesn’t look at taking things away – I need to stop stressing myself out over losing my favourite greasy foods and sweets, but instead look at what I’m gaining.  Challenge myself to make new and exciting dishes, which not only taste awesome, but are good for you.

Much like above, I will be using my blog as a tool.  This book lays things out in lessons – I plan on writing about lesson, and discussing my food choices.  This might be boring to a lot of people, but I feel that it could be helpful to those of us that struggle every day with eating and eating choices.

Referencing the following book:
Eating Mindfully

Spirituality

I have spent some time looking back on my life – trying to figure out when I last felt at my healthiest.  There were many things going on then, but one big element is that I was really connected to my spirituality.  It helped bring clarity and lifted the fog.

I wanted to post this, because I think that this is an important step in my healing process.   However, this is one thing that I think is a pretty private step and my reflections on it are my own.  It’s funny that I am much more private about my faith then I am about my mental health, but I think talking about my health issues I am bringing understanding, not only to my struggling peers, but to my friends and family that are trying to understand.

My faith however is my own relationship with what I believe in, and I think it’s important that I don’t press those choices on anyone.  Seeing as how, as a gay man I have had many religious paths shoved down my throat.

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Right now, those are the three steps that I am taking.  My treatment plan literally consists of mind, body and soul.  I think it’s important that we all take care of our mental, physical and emotional well being anyway that we can.  It isn’t much, but this is something, and it seems that so many of us that are fighting with the medical health system for treatment, for whatever reason, whether were not high-risk enough for priority care or there just isn’t the resources in your area to meet the demand, we can’t just wait for them to treat us.  All of us need to make the steps on our own to get better, and it doesn’t stop with getting your diagnosis(es).

I know how frustrating this is, in fact my anger and frustration on this has a tendency to consume me a lot of the time.  We spend most of our lives fighting just to survive; we shouldn’t have to fight so hard to get better.  We should be entitled to the care that we need.  But it’s not the reality of the situation.   I think we as individuals coming up with our own plans: self-care, treatment, ect., is a way to help ride out the storm.